Thought I would share a couple of do's and don't's that I have learnt the hard way...
Do not waste your money on a bike cover. When it is off the bike and in your hallway, your cats will pee on it. When it is on your bike, it will get blown off and you will lose it anyway. Even if you do up that useless little clip underneath.
Do not attempt to ride your motorcycle in stilettos. I tried this once. Resulted in the right hand footpeg getting stuck between the heel and sole of the shoe. That's the brake side. It was nearly very, very unpleasant...
Front facing speed cameras can't catch bikers. Fact. But if you take the piss they're liable to get you on the colour of your leathers.
Don't tie balloons to the back of your bike if you want to take them home. I lost my Rossi shaped birthday balloon this way. He stayed attached for all of a 1/4 of a mile!
Sidis are not waterproof if you're short and you ride a sportstbike. The toes get very scuffed from trying to reach the ground, and then the scuffed bits let in water. The heels however, remain dry!
Always, always, always zip up your pockets!! I have lost more packets of cigarettes and telephones this way than I care to remember. I once dropped my zippo thanks to an unzipped pocket. The zippo was an 18th birthday present so this resulted in a dangerous traffic stopping manoeuvre on a high street to retrieve it before it got run over.
Don't ride in new rock boots. At least not the ones with a printed pattern on the toes. The right one will be fine, the left one however, will be spoilt by the gearchange. This also applies to other forms of footwear, like new white trainers, work shoes etc.
Do not attempt to ride your bike in a minidress. Even if you're not going far and it is sunny. It will most definitely result in sadistic friends kneeling down in the middle of the road as you arrive with cameras. And this will result in photographs which they can blackmail you with. Also, getting on and off a sportsbike in a minidress is an art form which is very, very difficult to perfect, and again may result in photographs and blackmail!!
Do not take a drunk pillion. Even if it is their 18th birthday. Even if they have promised you faithfully that they're not that drunk and they will sit still and keep quiet. Even if you are only going round the corner to pick up the CD they forgot to bring to the pub because it's their 18th birthday and they're quite drunk... It will result in your bike on it's side and them giggling hopelessly because they can't get on!!
And one final, very important tip;
Always keep an Emergency Breakdown Kit under your seat. This consists of a rolled up magazine, (I recommend Rider's Digest for it's compact size!) a chocolate bar and an RAC card. I'm sure you can see the logic in this one!!
Wednesday 18 August 2010
Saturday 7 August 2010
Politics: The Housing Issue
I was reading me paper yesterday whilst trying not to be creeped out by the fact that I was infact in a Tattooists, and the person opposite me was infact getting a tattoo, when I came across an article on the Housing Issue. 'Me paper' incase you're wondering, is The Times. An Economist reader friend of mine is quick to describe it as "a tabloid with big words" But he doesn't ride a motorcycle. This makes him a Person, not a Biker, so his oppinion is irrelevant anyway really!
Anyhow, the article was discusing some of the new proposals for council houses. Now, council housing as a whole in my opinion is a really big problem. It's abused, regularly and relentlessley. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but surely council housing is for those who need it and is a short term solution? Granted in the case of people unable to work through disabilities etc. it's a long term solution, and a nessesary one. But in the case of people fit and able and, dare I say, unwilling, to work? It would make sense that the council house gives you somewhere to go when you have nowhere, but once you're working, earning and have the means, surely you should be finding somewhere yourself. So I must admit, I'm all for most of these ideas. Rent capped at £400 so people can't take the piss? Sounds good. Reviewing circumstances every 5 years? Excellent. Preventing houses being 'handed down a generation' Good. And my personal favourite, downsizing once children are over a certain age and working. Or should be working. This one also suggested upping the rent if said children don't want to move out straight away. Sounds very sensible to me.
The problem with council housing is the way it's viewed. Too many people see it as their "right" rather than as a safety net. The system needs to be tightened so the vast number of people currently taking the piss, can't.
I was in tescos the other day and I heard a girl talking to a friend about "how shit the council are being" because she couldn't get a house where she wanted. Surely anywhere's fine, providing it has a roof and some walls, if you have nowhere to go and really need a house? I know I really wouldn't be fussed if I was in that situation.
So, good on you David. Sort it out mate! Make sure the houses go to those who really need them, not those sitting on jobseekers yet not bothering to get a job and pay their own way.
Anyhow, the article was discusing some of the new proposals for council houses. Now, council housing as a whole in my opinion is a really big problem. It's abused, regularly and relentlessley. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but surely council housing is for those who need it and is a short term solution? Granted in the case of people unable to work through disabilities etc. it's a long term solution, and a nessesary one. But in the case of people fit and able and, dare I say, unwilling, to work? It would make sense that the council house gives you somewhere to go when you have nowhere, but once you're working, earning and have the means, surely you should be finding somewhere yourself. So I must admit, I'm all for most of these ideas. Rent capped at £400 so people can't take the piss? Sounds good. Reviewing circumstances every 5 years? Excellent. Preventing houses being 'handed down a generation' Good. And my personal favourite, downsizing once children are over a certain age and working. Or should be working. This one also suggested upping the rent if said children don't want to move out straight away. Sounds very sensible to me.
The problem with council housing is the way it's viewed. Too many people see it as their "right" rather than as a safety net. The system needs to be tightened so the vast number of people currently taking the piss, can't.
I was in tescos the other day and I heard a girl talking to a friend about "how shit the council are being" because she couldn't get a house where she wanted. Surely anywhere's fine, providing it has a roof and some walls, if you have nowhere to go and really need a house? I know I really wouldn't be fussed if I was in that situation.
So, good on you David. Sort it out mate! Make sure the houses go to those who really need them, not those sitting on jobseekers yet not bothering to get a job and pay their own way.
Thursday 5 August 2010
Bike Names and Birds and Things
Well, I've done some wikipedia-ing and that "pub fact" about the word Hyabusa being japanese for a bird of prey that preys on blackbirds is true!
It's actually the Japanese for a pretty common bird of prey, one we even get in England, the Peregrine Falcon.
Whilst looking this up, I found out another couple of interesting facts;
"The Peregrine Falcon is often stated to be the fastest animal on the planet in its hunting dive, the stoop, which involves soaring to a great height and then diving steeply at speeds commonly said to be over 320 km/h (200 mph)"
Isn't that clever? There's a lot more to the name than just the Blackbird thing. Name the 200mph bike after the 200mph bird. It's actually quite a well thought out name, and quite a lot of vehicle names really aren't.
And that got me to thinking, why is a Ninja called a Ninja?
"A ninja or shinobi (忍者 or 忍び) was a covert agent or mercenary of feudal Japan specializing in unorthodox arts of war. The functions of the ninja included espionage, sabotage, infiltration, and assassination, as well as open combat in certain situations.[1] The ninja, using covert methods of waging war, were contrasted with the samurai, who had strict rules about honor and combat."
Doesn't really have anything relevant that I can see. Unless there's a bike out there somewhere called the Samouri that I've never heard of. My Conclusion? The Ninja is called the Ninja just because it sounds cool!
On another note, apparently the FireBlade is a mistranslation from Japanese to English. It was supposed to be called The Lighning. Doesn't really have the same ring to it now does it?
*quotes are from Wikipedia. Of course.
It's actually the Japanese for a pretty common bird of prey, one we even get in England, the Peregrine Falcon.
Whilst looking this up, I found out another couple of interesting facts;
"The Peregrine Falcon is often stated to be the fastest animal on the planet in its hunting dive, the stoop, which involves soaring to a great height and then diving steeply at speeds commonly said to be over 320 km/h (200 mph)"
Isn't that clever? There's a lot more to the name than just the Blackbird thing. Name the 200mph bike after the 200mph bird. It's actually quite a well thought out name, and quite a lot of vehicle names really aren't.
And that got me to thinking, why is a Ninja called a Ninja?
"A ninja or shinobi (忍者 or 忍び) was a covert agent or mercenary of feudal Japan specializing in unorthodox arts of war. The functions of the ninja included espionage, sabotage, infiltration, and assassination, as well as open combat in certain situations.[1] The ninja, using covert methods of waging war, were contrasted with the samurai, who had strict rules about honor and combat."
Doesn't really have anything relevant that I can see. Unless there's a bike out there somewhere called the Samouri that I've never heard of. My Conclusion? The Ninja is called the Ninja just because it sounds cool!
On another note, apparently the FireBlade is a mistranslation from Japanese to English. It was supposed to be called The Lighning. Doesn't really have the same ring to it now does it?
*quotes are from Wikipedia. Of course.
Wednesday 4 August 2010
Some Advice
Never, never ever, Not Ever, not ever even if you're stranded in the middle of the atlantic ever...
...go pillion on an early 2000s R1 without a grabrail.
It's very uncomfortable.
...go pillion on an early 2000s R1 without a grabrail.
It's very uncomfortable.
Monday 2 August 2010
Knee Down
Got my knee down!!
Just thought you'd all like to know.
Motrax extra thick knee sliders are the way forward for those of us who are vertically challenged :)
Just thought you'd all like to know.
Motrax extra thick knee sliders are the way forward for those of us who are vertically challenged :)
Anne Rice and Christianity
For the record, before I start off on this one, I'm not Christian. I do have a religion, but it is my humble opinion that all religions are man made, and are essentially the same thing anyway. I doubt very much if the Gods really give a shit by which name you choose to call them.
As you may or may not be aware, Anne Rice is the author of the fabulous Vampire Chronicles as well as some recent books on Christ and on Angels. (which I haven't yet read, but reviews say are just as good!) Her style of writing is fabulous and she's one of these few authors with the wonderful talent of creating a reality and transporting you there. Anyway, this lady is Catholic. She has a facebook page on which she is quite active, and recently used it to announce that "in the name of Christ, [she] quits being a Christian" mainly because the Church can't stop bickering. I'd say she's right to do so.
And this brings me on to The Point. Christianity, over the years has actually been responsible fore more deaths than the holocaust. That's quite a scary fact. Religion in general, over the years has been responsible for more deaths than I care to work out or research. Pretty scary stuff. Any why is this? Most religions, if not all preach Love and Forgiveness. Great stuff, necessary stuff if humans want to coexist peacefully. So why do "Holy Wars" happen exactly? Thou shall not kill and all that?
If you ask me, Evangelism is the problem here. And I'm not pointing the finger at the Christians, they're just as bad as the rest of 'em. It's the idea that a certain Religion is "The One True Religion", that's the problem. Bollocks. If you ask me. Utter utter rubbish. Humans are individuals, what works for one individual may well not work at all for another. I, for example, would make an incredibly crap Muslim. The idea of wearing a headscarf rather collides with crash helmets and just wouldn't work. But to some women, it's a proud sign of modesty, and they wouldn't be without one. And That Is Fine. It does not mean I'm going to hell, and it does not mean they should take their headscarves off because I think crash helmets look nicer(!)
Fussing over details. That's all it boils down to, fussing and fighting over silly irrelevant details.
Mankind, for some reason, seems to need religion. If you look back over history it's always been there. I personally think it's a wonderful thing. It gives people a set of morals to adhere to, and a god to talk to if things go wrong. We as a race have some kind of innate desire to put a meaning to otherwise meaningless things. Death is the classic one. It can't possibly be random, because that would be too cruel. So religion gives us that reason. Death is not death, it is new life. Whether in the form of reincarnation, heaven or some other afterlife. It's my personal belief that we need this spirituality. Never mind that mankind has invented the whole damnded thing, it works for us. I don't ask exactly which oil rig my petrol came from when I put it in my bike, I know it works and so I'm not too fussed. In the same way I know some bloke made my religion up, but I know it works for me, so I'm not too fussed that he did!
The bottom line is that all religions are The One True Religion, for the individual practicing them. But that individual's next door neighbour might have a different One True Religion of their own. And for goodness sake, why exactly is that a problem?? Advertise by all means, but don't evangelise. At the very lowest level, it's downright annoying. At the highest, it kills people.
On another note...how silly will we all feel if we get to the pearly gates and Saint Peter turns round to us and says "Well, you're all bloody wrong, God's name is actually Bob and so you're all going to hell"
As you may or may not be aware, Anne Rice is the author of the fabulous Vampire Chronicles as well as some recent books on Christ and on Angels. (which I haven't yet read, but reviews say are just as good!) Her style of writing is fabulous and she's one of these few authors with the wonderful talent of creating a reality and transporting you there. Anyway, this lady is Catholic. She has a facebook page on which she is quite active, and recently used it to announce that "in the name of Christ, [she] quits being a Christian" mainly because the Church can't stop bickering. I'd say she's right to do so.
And this brings me on to The Point. Christianity, over the years has actually been responsible fore more deaths than the holocaust. That's quite a scary fact. Religion in general, over the years has been responsible for more deaths than I care to work out or research. Pretty scary stuff. Any why is this? Most religions, if not all preach Love and Forgiveness. Great stuff, necessary stuff if humans want to coexist peacefully. So why do "Holy Wars" happen exactly? Thou shall not kill and all that?
If you ask me, Evangelism is the problem here. And I'm not pointing the finger at the Christians, they're just as bad as the rest of 'em. It's the idea that a certain Religion is "The One True Religion", that's the problem. Bollocks. If you ask me. Utter utter rubbish. Humans are individuals, what works for one individual may well not work at all for another. I, for example, would make an incredibly crap Muslim. The idea of wearing a headscarf rather collides with crash helmets and just wouldn't work. But to some women, it's a proud sign of modesty, and they wouldn't be without one. And That Is Fine. It does not mean I'm going to hell, and it does not mean they should take their headscarves off because I think crash helmets look nicer(!)
Fussing over details. That's all it boils down to, fussing and fighting over silly irrelevant details.
Mankind, for some reason, seems to need religion. If you look back over history it's always been there. I personally think it's a wonderful thing. It gives people a set of morals to adhere to, and a god to talk to if things go wrong. We as a race have some kind of innate desire to put a meaning to otherwise meaningless things. Death is the classic one. It can't possibly be random, because that would be too cruel. So religion gives us that reason. Death is not death, it is new life. Whether in the form of reincarnation, heaven or some other afterlife. It's my personal belief that we need this spirituality. Never mind that mankind has invented the whole damnded thing, it works for us. I don't ask exactly which oil rig my petrol came from when I put it in my bike, I know it works and so I'm not too fussed. In the same way I know some bloke made my religion up, but I know it works for me, so I'm not too fussed that he did!
The bottom line is that all religions are The One True Religion, for the individual practicing them. But that individual's next door neighbour might have a different One True Religion of their own. And for goodness sake, why exactly is that a problem?? Advertise by all means, but don't evangelise. At the very lowest level, it's downright annoying. At the highest, it kills people.
On another note...how silly will we all feel if we get to the pearly gates and Saint Peter turns round to us and says "Well, you're all bloody wrong, God's name is actually Bob and so you're all going to hell"
The Story of Laverna
As promised, the story of Laverna. Written from memory, so it won't be in the original words, but should be pretty close! (I hope) The story is supposedly written by Virgil. It was one of many collected by american folklorist Charles Godfrey Leland. Supposedly told to him by a witch named Maddelina (isn't that a lovely name?) from Italy. The original of the story can be found in the beautiful "Aradia Gospel of the Witches" If you're in anyway interested in Paganism, or Witchcraft, or just folklore I'd really reccomend that little book. Mainly for the beautifully written poetic prayers to classical goddesses such as Diana, but also because it's only about 2 quid on amazon.
Laverna
The Esteemed poet and philosopher Virgil, on hearing a speech by a man without much interesting to say, was asked by another listener what he thought of it. To which he replied, "I could not tell whether it was all introduction, or all conclusion, much like the famous goddess Laverna, of whom we cannot be sure if she is all head, or all body." And so the listener pressed Virgil to tell him, who was this goddess Laverna of whom he'd never heard?
" The Goddess Laverna is the Roman Goddess of pickpockets and theives, and here is how she became such;
One day, Laverna disguised herself as the priestess of some goddess and went to a rich priest who owned a great estate. She told him she wished to purchase his estate to build a temple to her goddess and swore to him upon her head that she would pay him in full within a year. The priest agreed to these terms, and transferred the estate to Laverna. Who promptly sold everything off, there was 'not left wherwith to feed a fly'
[that line's a direct quote, not exactly proper english, but I do love that little phrase!]
Within a year, Laverna was nowhere to be seen!
At the same time, Laverna had also played this little trick on a Lord. She had gone to him to purchase a vast castle and grounds and sworn to him upon her body that she would pay in full within 6 months. Of course Laverna sold off everything within the castle, and once again there was not left wherewith to feed a fly!
The Lord and the Priest, on discovering they had been robbed by a goddess decided to appeal to the council of the gods, and Laverna was brought forward. To the charge of the Lord's that she had sworn upon her body to not pay, she did a wonderful trick and made her body disapear. The floating head said to the council, "Ah, he says I swore upon my body, but as you can see, I have no body, so I assuredly never swore such an oath!"
To the charge of the Priest she performed an equally excellent trick and made her head dissapear. There stood her body, and issuing from the neck was a voice which said "Ah, he says I swore upon my head, but as you can see, I have no head, so I assuredly never swore such an oath!"
The Gods were quite impressed by these little tricks, and had a good laugh at Laverna. Still, they ordered the head and body to join and Laverna to pay up her debts, which she did.
It was then the decision of the Gods that Laverna should become the goddess of all the pickpockets, theives and riff raff of society, as they were without gods, and Laverna was a rougeish Goddess without worshipers."
Lovely isn't it?
Laverna
The Esteemed poet and philosopher Virgil, on hearing a speech by a man without much interesting to say, was asked by another listener what he thought of it. To which he replied, "I could not tell whether it was all introduction, or all conclusion, much like the famous goddess Laverna, of whom we cannot be sure if she is all head, or all body." And so the listener pressed Virgil to tell him, who was this goddess Laverna of whom he'd never heard?
" The Goddess Laverna is the Roman Goddess of pickpockets and theives, and here is how she became such;
One day, Laverna disguised herself as the priestess of some goddess and went to a rich priest who owned a great estate. She told him she wished to purchase his estate to build a temple to her goddess and swore to him upon her head that she would pay him in full within a year. The priest agreed to these terms, and transferred the estate to Laverna. Who promptly sold everything off, there was 'not left wherwith to feed a fly'
[that line's a direct quote, not exactly proper english, but I do love that little phrase!]
Within a year, Laverna was nowhere to be seen!
At the same time, Laverna had also played this little trick on a Lord. She had gone to him to purchase a vast castle and grounds and sworn to him upon her body that she would pay in full within 6 months. Of course Laverna sold off everything within the castle, and once again there was not left wherewith to feed a fly!
The Lord and the Priest, on discovering they had been robbed by a goddess decided to appeal to the council of the gods, and Laverna was brought forward. To the charge of the Lord's that she had sworn upon her body to not pay, she did a wonderful trick and made her body disapear. The floating head said to the council, "Ah, he says I swore upon my body, but as you can see, I have no body, so I assuredly never swore such an oath!"
To the charge of the Priest she performed an equally excellent trick and made her head dissapear. There stood her body, and issuing from the neck was a voice which said "Ah, he says I swore upon my head, but as you can see, I have no head, so I assuredly never swore such an oath!"
The Gods were quite impressed by these little tricks, and had a good laugh at Laverna. Still, they ordered the head and body to join and Laverna to pay up her debts, which she did.
It was then the decision of the Gods that Laverna should become the goddess of all the pickpockets, theives and riff raff of society, as they were without gods, and Laverna was a rougeish Goddess without worshipers."
Lovely isn't it?
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